Jealousy

Why am I jealous of you?

The bigger question is what do you have that I want? Or what am I AFRAID of?

Is losing you the REAL problem? 

What do I LACK that I want?

I start to ask myself that question. And always seem to circle back to my Buddhist belief that I am what I am and I am enough.

You all are like that crap! Okay, okay but hear me out.

It took me a LONG time to believe and I am really believe that.  I started to believe when I started to feel more grateful for what was in my life versus what was missing.  Because honestly I could see the missing parts quicker than the parts already there but over time I cha yes my focus to see more of what I already had then what wa s missing.

So if you weren't in my life fully already and I am feeling jealous then maybe it's time to just say good bye and part ways? 

It's not that I didn't enjoy our time together it's just now time for you to leave as you taught me what I needed to learn. And hopefully I taught you something as well.  So I learned to say good bye to people that just didn't fit into my life anymore. 

This made room for me to seek out those that might be a fit for the next leg of my journey through life.  A better partner that you could be to me, a better friend that helps me get through harder and funnier times, a space to let myself grow as a person.

So I am no longer jealous of you.  I made space for new experiences for me to learn and grow as a person.

And in that I learned to live with fear and being afraid. It was no longer what I lacked or was afraid of but what can be done so I live with some fear and some lacking because without those how else was I going to propel myself forward?